i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
