found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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