Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
