I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize