The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
