I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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