We got so high we made milksteak
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
