I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
