just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
