mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
