dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize