I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
