Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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