Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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