Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
