The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
