he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
