My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
