He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
