Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
