Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
