I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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