sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
