you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They should really pass out barf bags in church
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
