I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
