It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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