I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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