sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
