glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
