you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
