I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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