Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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