i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Vodka?
Forever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
