so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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