Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
