i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
