I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he quoted the bible to break up with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
