i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
