Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize