For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
