Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
