thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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