ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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