i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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