you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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