you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
