just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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