After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
