I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
