I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
