I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
