Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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