my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
