You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
