Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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