Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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