Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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