My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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