Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
