I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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