mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
