Where is the hickey?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
