there's paper in my vomit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize