chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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