We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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