After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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