apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
