chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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