If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
