I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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