u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
