Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
