the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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