Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
