i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
