Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
