Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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