once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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