Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
