Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
