The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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