she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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