I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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