Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
