If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just pee around me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
