Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
