I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
