he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is wine microwaveable?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
