Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
