when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its about making memories worth repressing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
