You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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